***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
