is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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