In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
