These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
