The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
