Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
