when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
