I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
