I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
