Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
