i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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