They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
