Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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