If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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