Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.