Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.