Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.