Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.

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(740): View more from Ohio

He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.

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(678): View more from Georgia

i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.

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(650): View more from California

i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era

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(913): View more from Kansas

Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.

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