Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
