i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
