I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
