STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
