Don't make out with my wife yet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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