Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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