Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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