the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
