Small penises have feelings too.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
