he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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