I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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