He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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