I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize