Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
