i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
