i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
