If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Enjoy the penises
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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