I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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