roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How does one acquire holy water?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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