best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
