Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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