Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
