how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My feet surprised me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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