do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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