I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
