He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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