Your tits are I can't wait for
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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