i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
