You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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