he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
