we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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