I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize