Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
