OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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