I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she looked like the before picture.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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