Who wears a wallet chain?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
