How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
