you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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