Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
