True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
