Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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