So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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