i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize