Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize