You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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