I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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