Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
