Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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