I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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