she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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