Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
